Friday, October 26, 2012

no words

There really are no words to describe how I felt the day they pulled the needle out of Wes's port for the last time.  Relieved, excited, ecstatic, and so very joyful don't even scratch the surface.  To give you an idea, I actually thought about swearing.  I can count the number of times I have used a swear word on one hand.  I usually find there is no need for those unintelligent words, but that day I had no way to describe what I was feeling.  Luckily, I controlled myself.  So the photos will have to speak for themselves, because I still have nothing.  
It was beyond magical.

 and that right there is how you finish chemotherapy.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

hello, october

"i'm so glad i live in a world where there are octobers."
- anne shirley

I always knew anne and I were kindred spirits.
October brings so many things I love.  
The usual things like: cooler weather, pumpkins, little girls who delight in all the spooky things we can find at the store, pumpkin treats, beautiful leaves and sweaters.

But this October is extra special to me.
It means no more of this:
Next week is Wes's last treatment. 
It has been a long time coming.
 I don't think he can handle much more as this last treatment was particularly nasty with vomiting and dehydration.
He gets to ring a little bell they have there when he is all finished and everyone getting chemo that day will cheer for him.
Nice consolation prize for trashing his body eh?
Honestly, I can't think about it without crying.
Not even kidding.  every. single. time.
He can't either.
I mean we are literally driving in the car talking about how wonderful it will be to ring the bell and to be done with this chapter of our cancer journey and the next minute we are both blubbering and wiping our eyes.

I'm so glad I live in a world where there are octobers.
A world where horrible things and suffering eventually and finally come to an end.
Even when it seems like they will go on forever.
 October always comes with healing in it's wings.  

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

a picture and a song

we had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
i had to learn what i've got, and what i'm not, and who i am
i won't give up on us
even if the skies get rough
i'm giving you all my love
i'm still looking up

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

a camp out

The Bell family and camping do not mix.  Wes did not particularly love scouting and I am the girl who at three years old looked around the campsite and asked "when do we get to the hotel?"  We don't own a tent or even camping chairs. I would much rather be tucked in my bed away from bugs, rocks, and dirt even if it means I never sleep under the stars. What about the kids you ask?  Don't they need to experience the great outdoors for themselves? 
Give them a camping night with all the parts of camping we love minus the sleepless night in a tent with a four year old and a one year old and problem solved.
First up were 'smores.  Halle and I stacked them up and roasted them (we out them on a pan and stuck them in the oven).  Let's be honest, this is my favorite part of camping.
We set up the girls' play tent with pillows and blankets just as the sun was getting low and brought our treats and flashlights outside.  

We ate 'smores and got chocolate everywhere while we all told ghost stories.  I told my famous "Zimbu and the African Disneyland" story that I have been telling since I was 11.  It always spooks the kiddies. 

Earlier in the day Halle and I made bear hunting binoculars out of toilet paper rolls.  So glamorous I know.  We blinged them up with jewels and stickers and played "We're going on a bear hunt."  Little did she know that papa bear was hiding in the bushes just waiting to jump out and scare her.
And just as it got dark, we packed up everything, put the kids to bed and enjoyed a comfortable night's sleep.  
 And that is camping...until Halle figures out what she is really missing and someone can convince me otherwise.