preparation precedes power

I don't believe there is anything that truly could have prepared me for the shock we received on the day Wes was diagnosed. I knew cancer was a possibility considering his symptoms, but he was 28 and I just kept telling my brain to not even go there. Looking back, I can see a divine hand blessing me and preparing me to face this trial in the months and weeks before it all "hit the fan."

-If I could have planned things the way I wanted them to be, Lily would have been born sometime in the summer possibly July or August. Instead, she was born in early April. No big deal. Turns out this was actually a huge deal for me. After Wes was diagnosed and throughout his time spent in the hospital I was away from our children a lot. When all this started happening Lily was 11 months old and still nursing. Because she was so close to a year, her pediatrician didn't see any problem letting her go straight to whole milk a little early since I couldn't nurse her every few hours like I had been. At this age she was getting more independent and could eat other foods. Had she been born later like I had wanted I would have had to stop nursing before had I wanted to (which is a big deal to me personally) adding to my stress about leaving her all the time. What a blessing this was. One less thing for me to worry about when my life became filled with uncertainty and worry.

-During the October 2011 General Conference, Elder Richard G. Scott spoke about the scriptures. He said: The scriptures can become stalwart friends that are not limited by geography or calendar. They are always available when needed. Their use provides a foundation of truth that can be awakened by the Holy Ghost. Learning, pondering, searching, and memorizing scripture is like filling a filing cabinet with friends, values, and truths that can be called upon anytime, anywhere in the world. Great power can come from memorizing scriptures. To memorize a scripture is to forge a new friendship. It is like discovering a new individual who can help in a time of need, give inspiration and comfort, and be a source of motivation for needed change." I remember hearing him say these words and feeling them pierce my heart. I knew this was guidance for me, I felt that right away. It created a desire in me to really dig in and feast upon the word more then I had been. the promise that a scripture could be my best friend in a time of need was something I longed to achieve. On the day we found out Wes had cancer, the same scripture ran through my mind over and over and helped to keep my calm. It was Isaiah 53:4 which says: "Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows." The peace it brought was priceless and I knew I wasn't alone. Through Wes's second stay in the hospital another scripture kept rolling around in my head. It was Mosiah 24:15 which says: And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord. I couldn't let go of that word "cheerfully." I thought about it often. I wanted so much to endure and submit to this cheerfully and with patience. It kind of became my mantra and helped to buoy me up. My love for the scriptures and the words of the prophets has grown immensely. I know they are a constant friend through rain or shine.

-A few weeks before Wes's colonoscopy we had the opportunity to attend our in-laws stake conference where my father in-law was released from the stake presidency. Elder Neil Andersen was in attendance and was the concluding speaker. I was out in the hall with a squirmy Lily and could only catch snippets of what he was saying. I could hear he was speaking a lot about trials. Lily held still just long enough for me to stand still a catch a bit. Elder Andersen related something he had heard Elder Neal A. Maxwell say that went something like this: "if you think things are going well in your life, just you wait." Now, I don't think it was meant to make people start living in fear of the unknown or anything like that, but was meant to illustrate that trials happen to everyone. I remember the feeling I got when he said this. I would say a jolt kind of ran through me. It made me take a step back and think to myself "am i ready?" Of course, Sunday ended and I went back to worrying about what to make for dinner and silly things like that. But, when cancer rocked our world a few weeks later I remembered those words and knew that statement he made was for me and was glad to have mentally checked up on my faith through hardship that Sunday.

I am so glad to have a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan and an interest in the lives of his children. He doesn't take away our trials, but he can give us the power to endure them if we just stop and listen. We will see his divine guidance, help, and blessings if we are looking for them.