my baby's daddy

When you stare uncertainty and cancer in the face you get to have all kinds of fun conversations. One day Wes asked me if I knew what I know now would I still choose him. I don't even hesitate to answer that question. From day one of this wes bell cancer journey I have known and felt sweet peace and assurance telling me that this is supposed to be my life. I am supposed to do hard things. And I can do hard things. 

As I think about that question he asked I can't help but look back on the past five and a half years we have spent together.

The first year of our marriage was wonderful. We were both in school and both liked to study hard and be with each other. I remember hearing women in our ward say how much they loved relief society so they could be with other women who understood them and just have "girl" time. I remember thinking they were crazy because I felt all I needed was my best friend who also happened to be my husband. We loved spending time together just the two of us. In fact, that summer we both got jobs at byu laundry of all places just so we could work together all day and take off whatever time we wanted. It was mindless work, but it meant we got to be together. I loved walking to work with him everyday, eating lunch together, and listening to the same audio books.
I remember there were times school would overwhelm me and test scores would give me so much anxiety. One day it was all too much and Wes held me while I cried. And then all he said to me was, "why do we fall Bruce?" And that was all it took to get me laughing and forgetting my troubles. His ability to make me laugh at everything, even cancer, is one of my favorite things about him.

I kind of feel like a woman takes a big risk when she marries a man (and vice versa) because you never really know what kind of father (or mother) someone is going to be. Of course you can observe how they interact with other kids and people, but the true test comes when a child is born. Will they change diapers? Will they help to I lighten the work load? Wes was the first to change a diaper and give both our children their first bath. He never hesitated to do anything. I can still see him getting sweaty as he rocked Halle to sleep almost every night in our tiny hot apartment in wymount. Every night after a long day at work he picks them both up and gives them his undivided attention and me a break. One night shortly after Halle was born he woke me because he was worried. He had been taking care of Halle when she randomly jerked her neck back and he didn't support her head very well. She cried a bit, but was fine. He came to me and confessed what had happened and needed me to reassure him that she was okay. I knew from then on how much he would love our children and would do everything in his power to protect them. This is the man that asked me if he should turn on the hazard lights as we drove our new baby home from the hospital . He is kind and patient and I hope our girls one day realize how lucky they are to have a dad who wants to be with them and sacrifices what he wants to do to play with them

I love to be in the same room as Wes.

If he is home I will naturally gravitate to whatever room he is in just to be near him. It is kind of a problem. One day during those rough years he was in the byu accounting program he was feeling the stress of making good grades and was wanting to do some peaceful studying. He anticipated my need to be around him and talk to him. So when I came to his closed door I found It would not budge because he had pulled our large lovesac in front of the door to keep me and all other distractions out.

I have seen him play endless princess games with Halle. He knows all the songs she likes and all the movies she acts out. And every saturday morning he scooped up the girls and sent me to bed for a nice long nap. Our children adore him.

After surgery he was worried about reconnecting with our girls especially lily since he was so weak and could not lift anything over 20 pounds. I watched as he worked so hard to find a way for them to play. She learned to take his hand and walk around the house with him and to this day most mornings she reaches up to take his hand and do a lap around the house.
He is always the first to forgive.

We speak the same language.

We enjoy the same things and he makes a big effort to be interested in the things I am interested in.

As he always says, he has street smarts and I have book smarts.

We are two peas in a pod.

I can't imagine greater joy than we have felt over the last few years as we have accomplished so much together. 

We have learned to become parents together and are still learning so much together.

So as I look back on these last five years and he asks me if I knew then what I know now and all that we would have to endure, would I still choose him?

I say yes, a hundred times yes!

I choose this life and I choose him.

 I will endure whatever comes our way if it means I get to stand with him.

Happy father's day to the man of my dreams and the best daddy my baby girls could ever ask for.